Nostalgia

My God, I forgot I even had this blog.

I should have some quality materiel to post, but I don't.

Yeeeeeeh

Writing is therapeutic.

So, new things this week:
- Bowling (I suck shit)
- Cleaned the kitchen
- Frosh Controller 2010
- Free lunch at the Fenx on CU Advertising
- Learned a couple songs by Cage the Elephant and Muse
- Did some sparring and now my arms don't work
- Invented a new mixed drink - 1/3 Cherry Liqueur, 1/3 Fireball or equiv, 1/3 Spiced Rum or Vodka, call it the Cherry Bomb
- DANCE FUCKER DANCE

Funny how much gets done when I'm determined to learn.

What Do We Do Now?

I have Pokemon ON MY CELL PHONE. Love Android. Now if I can get that app where my phone gives me blowjobs, it'll be perfect.

So what are the current plans? I watched the Book of Eli and once you put some thought into it, the movie is rife with religious significance that doesn't appear obvious upon first viewing. I really enjoyed the movie because it was religion as it should be - a simple story of faith, rather than the Church's insistence on doctrine and tradition. I wonder if it's time for a religious 'renaissance'. Jesus rebelled against Jewish authorities - maybe it's time for someone to reset the modern Catholic church.

I'm planning a week-long wilderness excursion with Jon. Current plans are to take up archery again, get a gun license, do a week-long wine tour, and some other possible skill sets. Parkour and martial arts have taken a downturn since winter began, but since the weather is improving, I'm going to start adventuring a lot more with Nik and whoever else.

I think one of the most important things to learn at this point is world culture - many people are only exposed to their locality and never experience another lifestyle. I'm going to travel this summer to as many places as I can, just to get a bit more of a worldview before I decide what to do with my life.

Booksmarts pale in comparison to cultural knowledge, wisdom, understanding. I'd rather develop the skills I need to make the world a better place for everyone, instead of just myself.

We are Chinese Peopre

Writing a novel takes time.

Okay, I'll elaborate.

I have a car, a job, a girlfriend. I play guitar, eat sushi, and read literature. I'm like your typical suburban university kid.

Except I'm not really.

Strive

So yeah, check my twitter if you haven't yet. Here.

Anyways, what's new with me? I've been really in deep with the philosophical debate lately - I may need to rejoin some old facebook groups devoted to arguing over silly things like the nature of free will, the randomness of Brownian motion, and the deep mechanics of 'airplane on treadmill'. I need a tweed coat, slippers and a pipe. My girlfriend would enjoy that.

I've been busy with school a lot, but I don't really feel like talking about trivial things like that. It's introspection time here at dramabiotics corner, and I've got a giant mental mirror propped up in front of me.

Okay, so, lately, things have really been changing around. I have a girlfriend - that's been going on for a while now - but I'm really not too sure what's going on. I'm at a happy point in my life, but, as I've always thought, conflict is drive, and a lack of conflict leads to complacency. In all honesty, I miss the years of depression and arguing with myself. It was an interesting time, if stressful.

In general, I think that I have many ideas, but I'm just afraid or unsure of how to implement them. Nik suggested that I run for public office - and in all honesty, I wouldn't be too adverse to the idea of running for some sort of basic political position, like in a ward or something. I just think that I'm biting off more than I can chew - but I've learned that it's better to take on more than not do anything at all.

There are many types of people. Some are needed to keep the machine running - the framework upon which we build our lives. Farmers, factory workers, industrialists, doctors. On the other hand, you have the researchers who spend their time improving that machine - engineers, scientists, medical researchers. Some people are a blend of both. I've always felt I'm in the latter - I don't ever see myself holding a 'milling' job, where I pump out services or products day after day. I need to do something different, to have projects and noticeable improvements, like designing train systems, building up cities, inventing new technology.

Maybe I'll never get there, but I need to try. There are so many issues I take interest in, and so many fields in which I want to throw my opinion to. I just need to find that starting point.

PEOSC WUT

So I went down to Kingston. Fucking love engineering conferences.

Let's just say that the conference itself was interesting but ran on for way too long. The nightlife, on the other hand, is amazing. Engineers from around the world have so many things in common, but are different enough to make things interesting. We share the same cheers, but with different verses. We love drinking, but some like beer and others rum. We all are hideous nerd-freaks.

I designed an eco-friendly house that I was thinking about refining. It would be really cool to present to the city as a viable housing option. We'll see if people think I'm a genius or a retard. Don't answer that.

If you haven't found Google Mystery yet, hit it up. It's become an engine for 'missions', where clicking 'search' will usually turn up some sort of mission a previous user has left for you. I used it to get random strangers to text my girlfriend cute messages, because I'm a lazy ass who can't do it himself, and has no regards for his loved one's safety from creepers. I mean, I'm sweet. Who would doubt.

New tip: Bring reusable containers to grocery stores to pack fruits and veggies and meat, or to take-out places. Save the environment and all that.

Okay guys. I made port-wine braised shrimp with kung pao sauce, and it is fucking glorious. PAECE OUT.

Let's Go

So not a lot has happened recently.

I've been divvying up my time between work, school and social life. It's like I have a severe case of schizophrenia where all my personalities are boring people. In a misguided attempt to fix the apathy pervading every aspect of my life, I've given myself something new to do every day. Most of the time they go unfinished because I'm an idiot and like to set unachievable goals, but I figure at least one of them will get done and I'll be able to brag about it endlessly.

Most of the ideas involve climbing buildings and eating various objects. So, yeah.

Retrospectively, I've not become the person I've always wanted to be. Very few people do. I don't find it a problem, but I woke up one day and looked at myself and was slightly bewildered as to how I got this way. I am, dare I say it?, happy with my life as it is, something I never thought possible. It's helped in part by the massive daily dosage of affection I receive from my wonderful significant other, of course.

Anyways. I figure it's time to set out who I want to be, and strive towards that, making any necessary changes down the road. I'm switching my daily tasks from pointless adventures to character-building experiences.

First off, I want to learn how to cook. I've been buying various flavouring packets and trying to memorize what goes in them so I can recreate it. I'll cook something new every week. That seems fair - 52 recipes in a year.

I also want to increase my contributions to society. I think that I'll volunteer for something new once a week, or at least a few times a month. Maybe even unrequested assistance, like picking up trash at a park or something.

I want to buff up. I will fight people once a week. In sparring, I mean.

Most importantly, I want to make new friends. I'll be able to do that through my other activities, but I think I will invite people over to hang on, maybe on 'try new recipe' day. We shall see.

There are so many things to do. My goal in life is to have something interesting to say when someone asks, "So what's up?". Live laugh share play.

Not going to, though

I feel like I should update.

And ze bottles, they are for the toenail clippings

A sign of my depravity is using the dirty cups on my desk as miniature garbage cans, or using old dryer sheets as table rags.

On another note, frosh week is being awesome, even if my body feels like a piece of shit.

AWESOME DAY

I went to the CNE with Bonnie today. It was ridiculous.

1. We got there and screamed at everything.
2. We went to Ontario place, got bored after 2 mins and then went back.
3. We saw a dog show in which retarded dogs ran circuits and tiny deer-dogs jumped over bars.
4. We went to the bathroom.
5. We ate lots of free pretzels and dip.
6. We tried on hats.
7. We tried on wigs.
8. We ate jerk chicken and pad thai.
9. We watched an angry child lick a knife.
10. We drank beer.
11. We saw a dude with CRAZY sideburns.
12. We watched a light show.
13. We saw pitcher plants and sand sculptures.
14. We ignored the Harmonicats.
15. WE WERE ON A TRAIN OMG.
16. We saw sheep, horses, cows, pigs (and piglets), turkeys, chickens and ALPACAS.
17. We saw ostrich domestic violence.
18. We rode a ferris wheel.
19. We laughed at Elvis Stojko.
20. We didn't laugh at the ventriloquist.
21. We were impressed by an escape artist.
22. We were impressed by a juggler.
23. We watched a Hawaiian man eat.
24. We ate spicy salad.
25. We got scared by a puppet farm.
26. We were visited by a mysterious gypsy stranger.
27. We went home. FOREVER.

<3

Tarzan has nothing on me

I'm 21, I have a car, a steady job, a good education, a gorgeous grillfriend, the opportunity to travel where my heart might so desires, a bunch of excellent friends, and perfect health, and I can't help but feel bad. Let's run away into the woods and live like animals.

I have twitter now. It's something I don't like but I'm forced to use. Like flossing, or pants.

If you ever get the chance to see The Decemberists in concert and do not go, I will kick your ovaries into a lake.

A band who plays a full album and then goes on to play another album's worth of songs, and then comes back with a three song encore is worth the burning, standing-for-four-hours pain in my shapely calves.

Downtown Downtown

I went downtown yesterday with this particular girl who has an uncanny ability to find me wherever I hide. I maintain that it's because she implanted a tracking device under my skin while I was sleeping or distracted.

We took the subway down to Queen St (I held a banana), and checked out Urban Outfitters, where she bought a shirt (from the men's section), and we read a couple books about poop and learned to type on a typewriter by maniacally banging our open palms into the keyboard.

We walked down to the Condom Shack, but left quickly because I feel intimidated and jealous that pieces of silicone can do a better job than me. Instead, we went to the Black Market clothiers - they raised their prices but I still got two shirts, one with Lois Lane being clubbed in the back of the head - MMMPH! - and the other was a skeletal diagram of a torso. I finally polished off the McDonald's cheeseburger that I'd been holding the entire day, while spacegirl chowed down a banana (no innuendo).

We popped into Silver Snail (comics and collectibles) and checked out the cool toys - including dragon plush toys with obvious facial deformities. There were cool LOTR statuettes and lots of comics. I nerded it out pretty well while she rolled her eyes and sighed at me. I is winrar.

Uhm, we went to American Apparel... and the questionably-gay salesman showed us baby versions of their most popular outfits. There were BABY DISCO PANTS. I don't know what kind of parent would torture their kids like that, although I gotta admit my mom used to dress me in purple and yellow, so... anyways, we contemplated kidnapping a couple of asian babies to dress up and send back to their parents.

We also devised my new Halloween costume. Pink polo from American Eagle, slitted sunglasses, crocs, my sister's jeans, and a livestrong bracelet and I can be a douchebag!

One of the best comments came as we passed by a Lush Body Shop - they sell bath soaps and stuff - and they had a 'FREE SCRUB' ad outside the door. Walking in was like stepping into a soap factory - my nose almost died. We decided that the free scrub referred to a stranger giving you a vigorous face-scrubbing with a loofa and left. But before we exited the store, Sparky pointed at a RANDOM slice of brown soap and said, "That looks like your MOM." I lawled for 10 minutes.

Then I sat on a patio eating sammiches in the sunlight with a pretty girl (the waitress, we were at Black Bull on Queen st). So. Win.

And then we walked to Kensington Market. There were many cheese shops and unique clothing stores. I found a shirt that said "I KNOW YOU BRIAN" on the front and HAD to get it, even more so when I saw the back and it read, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST WINTER IN HONG KONG BRIAN LIBERATION FRONT."

We also saw an old man on a bike that was so still he looked like a statue. For some reason, when he actually started moving it was the funniest thing EVER and we both burst out laughing. I'm pretty sure we have some sort of extensive mental damage.

The night ended in the Royal York. We didn't have a room, we just sat in the lobby. She tested my devotion with, "If I were a fingerless, ugly, old and fat retard, would you still love me?"

Then she tickled me until I was gasping like a fish in a desert. She gave me the most retarded hug (straight arms and clapping like one of those cymbal monkeys) and then said she would punch me and steal my soul necklace.

Then it was BAI tyme and I got on the bus to go home. The bus driver told me my ticket was invalid and I'd have to buy another one but by that point I really didn't give a shit.

Hurt kids O YA

I've been getting WAY too much exercise this past week. I've climbed so many monkey bars my hands look like monkey feet.

Every day, I go down to the park, and scale the outside of jungle gyms while little children watch on in stunned curiousity. I'm sure I'm going to be responsible for at least a hundred injured toddlers as they try to vault fences and climb trees with their pudgy little arms.

Someone call the Mystery Machine

I had this really weird dream last night.

I was in my Hamilton house, cleaning my room, and I bumped into the wall. It made this eerie, hollow sound, so I knocked on it again. My room is in the basement, yet it sounded like there was something behind the wall, where there should be only dirt.

Scratching away the paint, I found the outline of a door.

Now, the time frame within the dream takes places when my old housemates still lived with me, so I called for Alex and Lisa (dunno where Allan was). We managed to pry open the door, revealing a long, dark stairwell descending down, deep within the bowels of the earth itself.

It was pitch black, so I pulled out my phone - there's a powerful flashlight built in - and we began our descent. Even with a flashlight, the darkness was overwhelming. Everything outside the light's purvey was black and opaque.

The stairs continued down, then made an abrupt turn, leading to another flight parallel to the first. We continued down three flights, stumbling in the utter, sheer darkness.

Finally, at the bottom, we found a door set into the wall. Carefully opening it, we discovered a narrow corridor, with doors stretching down every wall.

Opening the doors revealed nothing but blank brick walls. One door, however, proved otherwise, and we all entered...

Only to find a perfectly ordinary laundry/furnace room, perhaps a bit dusty, but otherwise, completely innocuous. Shelves lined the walls. We found a pile of clothes, which somehow contained all the clothes we've ever lost or given away. I found a pair of jeans that (in real life) I still have not been able to find.

And on the shelves were boxes of Scooby Doo fruit snacks. I kid you not.

Then I woke up, and went out into the living room, to find Alex and Lisa visiting for the day. Creepy, n'est pas? I told them about my dream, then remembered -wait- wasn't Lisa supposed to be at her cottage today?

Then I woke up again for real, looked up at my ceiling, and said "Dammit" out loud.

WEEOOOOOOAAAAWWWW!!!

You know when you realize that special someone is meant for you, they say a choir of heavenly angels breaks into chorus and a light comes down from the sky?

That didn't happen, but there was this bitchin' awesome death metal guitar solo that melted my fucking face off. God, I love b. I failed so hard I won.

If every day was like that, I wouldn't even need these happy pills anymore! (note: I am joking, I do not actually have happy pills, so stop asking for them)

Lights Camera Achtung

We are rockus and delicious, as they say.

If anyone reads this, say aye.

I have a job in which I sit and desperately read computer manuals, because the lack of work now somehow ignites a fear in my mind that there will be uncontrollable amounts of work later. In which case I am inviting a disaster, like farting in a submarine. Or hiring a color-blind, dyslexic fashion consultant to pick out my graduation suit.

Outside of work, I really don't have anything to do. There's just this general apathy that takes over me in the summer. My best guess is that during winter, I need to keep my energy up to prevent from freezing to death, but during summer, the combination of warm sun and lack of hard work do that job for me. Like a freakish lizard-baby. A freakish lizard-baby farting in a submarine full of color-blind dyslexics. Only horror can ensue.

In recent news, Archie marries Veronica after a 70-year long love triangle. I'm a prude and even I realize that's way too fucking long to wait. I have always entertained in my mind the thought that Archie was just a comedic version of Hugh Hefner - or just a regular version, since Hugh is obviously already a fucking joke - and would end up with an entire harem of ladies from Riverdale High. I'm surprised his nuts still work, with all the random depraved sex that occurs just off-panel.

BRB

Naked Potato

A conversation:

"Arrrrghhh. Why is it so fucking warm?!"
"Hey, don't swear."
"Jesus, fine!"
"And don't use the Lord's name in vain!"
"Alright. But it's friggin' hot!"
"Well, you are wearing long pants under a down blanket."
"Ugh. My underwear is getting really sweaty."
"That's gross. Take it off."
"What?"
"Just take your pants off."
"But... I'll be naked."
"Yeah, but you're under a blanket."
"My door is open!"
"It's the middle of the night, no one is going to see anything."
"I guess. Ugh, stupid long pants. Stupid underwear. Okay, now I'm naked."
"Haha, I can't believe I convinced you to do that."
"Well, I'm not that hot anymore."
"But now your naked body is all over your bedsheets."
"I'll wash them tomorrow. Plus I'm clean."
"I wonder if anyone else can hear us."
"They're probably sleeping."
"Yeah but I thought I just heard Lise cough."
"She's probably terrified."
"Kristie might hear us, she's just upstairs."
"She's outside doing silly things. That's why the window is closed, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Well, I guess her actions led to me taking off my clothes... That's sort of innuendo."
"Or maybe you're just stupid."
"I'm not stupid. I'm just crazy."
"You're the one who took off your clothes! That's stupid."
"I'm really hungry is what I am. I want food."
"What, at... 2 a.m.?"
"Yeah. But I'm too tired to make anything..."
"How about chips, do you have any chips?"
"Ugh, I don't want to eat chips. Salt and stuff all over my PJs."
"You're not in your PJs. You're naked."
"Oh. You're right."

So I spent a good hour sitting naked in my bed eating potato chips. Talking to myself.

Work

I have a job.

It doesn't involve sharks or dinosaurs, and there are no lasers except those in the printers. But I sit around and do technical stuff and talk about swine flu (H1N1 = Hini = Heinie, geddit?).

I was doing some ip work on one of the office computers when my mouse started moving by itself. I thought I was hallucinating but then it began opening random windows and I freaked out a little bit. After my coworkers had revived me by shoving Ritalin down my throat and called a guy to repair the photocopier, I went back to the computer, only to find A MESSAGE waiting for me.

"Dig forty paces north of the statue of the praying woman," it said. I bought a shovel, and spent the next hour burrowing through worm-rotted corpses of the long-ago dead, before I found a jade ring with the inscription, "To my beloved Alice, may the wind take you swiftly."

Okay no I don't work in Silent Hill.