Stabbed in the Nuts

So I had the weirdest dream last night.

Some back story: I rarely ever dream. Like good movies starring Ben Stiller, they only come by once in a blue moon (Okay, not fair, Mr. Stiller makes good movies, if you like making fun of retards). When I do have a dream, it's usually insanely disturbing, in which immense violence is usually visited upon me, proving once and for all that my subconscious really is trying to kill me.

Wahahahahoo

Anyways, to the dream. I was in church arguing with my mother. She wanted me to go to an international school in Switzerland. I have never been to Switzerland, in real life or in dreams, so I had no idea why I would ever imagine going to school there, let alone visit - what's Switzerland good for anyways? All they have are boring things like banks, army knives, and Jon Huber.

My mom got pretty upset when I told her I didn't want to go to school in Switzerland - in fact, she said it was disappointing, and that I always upset her like this. She got up and left, and drove away, leaving me to get home by myself. Dammit.

I walked outside - it was dark and snowy. Luckily, Aaron Ho was randomly standing by the door. "Hey man. Do you have a quarter I can use to call a cab?" I asked. He gave me a quarter and walked with me to the pay phones, which were located near the curb.

I started dialing the number and was about to finish when Aaron suddenly poked me. "Yo. Watch out."

Through the snow, a man in a white T-shirt and blue jeans approached us, despite the cold. He was stumbling and obviously intoxicated - he reeked of alcohol. "Heeeeey, hey..." he slurred. "Gnasyyearrghh."

"Whoa." I hung up the phone with a click and backed away. "Look man, I don't want any trouble."

A voice behind me suddenly called, "Hey! Hey, get away from those guys! Stand down!" It was the chef from the church (I have no idea why there was a chef. Maybe they need him to make the Eucharist fluffy and tasty?), standing on the steps and waving at us.

I turned back to the drunk. He was really close now, within arm's reach. I suddenly grabbed him from behind, pinning his arms to his side. He started to make agitated moans, struggling to free himself, but I held on, shouting at him to just stop before he hurt himself.

Suddenly, Aaron yelled, "Look out!" and I heard a sharp "Snickt!" Before I knew what was happening, the man bent over, reached between his legs with a hand, and stabbed me in the left nut with a switchblade. I felt the cold metal slide into my body on a primitive level and as the shock hit me, I woke up.

My special bits were cradled gently in my hand, and my heart was pounding. Fuck my subconcious, seriously.